30 rock

Liz Lemons (Tina Fey) pojkvän Criss (James Marsden) uppvaktar Liz på alla hjärtans dag, men får till svar att Liz inte brukar fira alla hjärtans dag, och att alla hennes tidigare sådana dagar har varit katastrofer. Criss står dock på sig, och övertygar Liz om att han måste få chansen att göra denna dag till en jättebra dag. Liz ger till slut med sig, men sätter samtidigt ribban på en nivå som gör att de - som ett par - måste bege sig ut och köpa ett middagsbord:

Liz: "If this is going to be unterrible for the first time ever, I'm not eating off a coffee table."
Criss: "Well, you know, for thousands of years Japanese diners have used traditional tatami mats..."
Liz: (morr)
Criss: "Whoa, okay, no, no, no. We'll get a real table. But we're going to need one by tonight."
Liz: "That leaves us only one option. We, as a couple, are going to Ikea."

Tillbaks på jobbet berättar Liz för vännen Jenna (Jane Krakowski) om planerna. Frank (Judah Friedlander) lyssnar och lägger sig i:

Liz: "Since you asked, Criss and I are going to Ikea."
Jenna: "For the hate-sex after your fight? Good idea."
Liz: "No, we're not going to fight. We're getting one thing. I have a plan..."
Frank: "Nah, you're going to fight. Ikea's where I used to go pick up newly-single vulnerable chicks. I've gotten women there two, three points hotter than me. So, you know...fours."
Liz: "Look, I don't want to go. But we need a table. And if Criss thinks he's the guy to get Liz Lemon on board with 'Saint lame-entine's nay'..."
Jenna: "Oh, honey, that sucks."
Liz: "We better be able to survive a simple trip to Ikea."
Jenna: "No, Liz, don't test it. Especially this early in a relationship. It's like when Mickey Rourke tested his catapult on me."
Liz: "Wow, I was almost listening."

Sagt och gjort, Liz och Criss beger sig till IKEA. Deras plan är enkel, frågan är om de kommer undan så lätt...?

Liz: "Criss, I need to ask you something. Have you ever been to an Ikea? Do you know what we're walking into?"
Äldre dam: "You know what? I like myself. I have good taste in drapes."
Äldre herre: "I wish I'd died on Iwo Jima and never met you."
Criss: "Whoa. What was that?"
Liz: "Not us. We are a good team, and we have a plan. We're going to go in, get the kurtz with the birch veneer, and then get out. Then go home and have an amazing night together. I just got my period."
Criss: "Liz, what are you worried about? Come on, this is gonna be fun."

De hittar bordet de hade siktat in sig på, men Criss känner inte "de rätta vibbarna" så att säga, vilket tenderar att eskalera situationen. Bakom dem börjar ett annat par (Heidi Armbruster, Andrew Law) gräla om ungefär samma sak:

Criss: "Yeah, it's just that this table, it feels kind of uptight. And I think something a little more fun would be a better table, for me."
Liz: "Oh, well, I don't know, Criss. Maybe a more fun table wouldn't be as supportive."
Criss: "Mm."
Liz: "What? No, no, we are not doing this. We are not letting this table be a metaphor for our relationship. That's what Ikea wants us to do."
Kille: "I'm just not sure my chair wants to be with this table."
Tjej: "Why, because deep down your chair would rather be with other chairs?"
Kille: "Wow, I think the table needs to stop listening to its mother."
Tjej: "Well, it's just the table thinks the chair takes too many camping trips with Richard."

Liz och Criss går ner på plocklagret och hittar, till sin stora fasa, att bordet "kurtz" är slut. Det blir droppen som får bägaren att rinna över och de börjar gräla då och där. 

Liz: "You know what? Ikea tested us, we failed. Okay, just go."
Liz: "That's a good idea. We're done here."
Liz: "Yeah, we are definitely done."
Jed (Russ Armstrong): "Thank you. That's why I get out of the nidurgangur in the morning. It's one of our cheaper beds."

Samtidigt försöker killarna Frank och Tracy (Tracy Morgan) hjälpa den obotlige förloraren Lutz (John Lutz) att få till en dejt på alla hjärtans dag. De försöker allt - ge komplingar till tjejer som kommer ut från frissan, ändra storlekarna på badkläder och sedan ge tröstande komplimanger när tjejerna tror att de gått upp i vikt - och det mest säkra tips av alla - åka till IKEAs parkering och ragga på tjejer som precis blivit dumpade av sin älskade eftersom de grälat på grund av sitt besök på IKEA. 

Frank: "This is it, Lutz. The Ikea parking lot. If you can't close the deal here, you're on your own."
Tracy: "Back in the day, you know how many women me and Lamar Odom's dad picked up here? And keep in mind, back then this was a marsh, where people came to shoot at fish."
Frank: "There's your low-hanging fruit."
Tracy: "We can teach you no more. Fly, Lutz, fly."
Lutz: "Hey, baby, what's wrong?"
Liz: "Lutz?"
Lutz: "Mom-boss?"
Liz: "What are you doing?"
Frank: "Oh, my God, Lutz just hit on Liz."
Tracy: "About time. The last six years has been like watching Moonlighting."
Liz: "Hang on, were you hitting on me?"
Lutz: "I'm sorry. I just wanted to have a nice Valentine's Day, so Frank and Tracy tried to help me out. But I keep screwing up."