Jämna plågor

Roger (Keiron Self) har separerat från sin flickvän och är väldigt deppig över detta faktum, och Janey (Daniela Denby-Ashe) försöker peppa upp honom med att säga att han snart hittar någon ny, det finns hur många som helst som skulle vilja ha honom till sin pojkvän. Lillebrorsan Michael (Gabriel Thomson) frågar då vem i hela fridens dar det skulle kunna vara, och bokstavligen tvingar Janey att säga ett namn. Och det gör hon...

Janey: "I know how difficult this is for you. After my divorce I wondered if I'd find someone else."
Michael: "It took you two minutes."
Janey: "That wasn't love."
Janey: "Roger, maybe it's time you got back out there."
Roger: "No one would have me."
Janey: "That's not true! There's a lot of women who would have you."
Roger: "Like?"
Michael: "Yeah, Janey. Like who?"
Janey: "Like... Elke!"
Roger: "Who's Elke?"
Michael: "Yes, Janey. Who's Elke?"
Janey: "Elke. You, you know, Elke. She's, er, she-she's Swedish."
Roger: "Ooh! A Swede."
Janey: "Yeah."
Roger: "That's so exotic."
Janey: "Uh-huh."
Roger: "Does she have blonde hair?"
Janey: "Sure. Why not?"
Roger: "And... And she really showed an interest in me? Well, how did she even see me?"
Janey: "She's a friend of a friend of a friend of mine and she was over and...The point is, if Elke likes you there will be others."
Roger: "Oh, just when you think you've hit rock bottom something like this comes along. Thank you, Janey."
Michael: "A blonde, Swedish girl called Elke?
Janey: "What was I supposed to do? The poor guy is a wreck. I was just being nice."
Michael: "I know. I just didn't know that side of you existed."

Roger kastar sig huvudstupa in i en kommande relation med Elke, som han aldrig har träffat, och detta är något som Janey inser nästa gång hon träffar Roger:

Michael: "By the way, did you tell Roger you made up the whole Elke thing?"
Janey: "You know Roger. It's in one ear and out the other. He'd have walked out the door, seen something shiny and forgotten."
Roger: "Somebody ask me a question."
Janey: "Why?"
Roger: "I'll answer you - in Swedish. I've been learning it to impress Elke. When do you think I can meet her?"
Janey: "It's hard to say, Roger."
Michel: "Almost impossible to say."
Roger: "Why?"
Janey: "Er, because she volunteers. A lot."
Roger: "She sounds so perfect for me. Who does she volunteer for?"
Janey: "Charity. Sickness in general."
Roger: "What a girl!"
Alfie: "Janey, can I have a word? I'm not sure the best way to help Roger is by having his heart broken by an imaginary Swedish girl... as wonderful as she is."

Janey får till slut hitta på ett sätt för Roger att möte Elke, och hon har tänkt ut det jättebra. Hon ska bjuda hem Roger för att möta Elke, men när de sitter där och väntar på henne så ska lillebror Michael ringa och låtsas vara Elke och meddela att hon begett sig hem till Sverige. Det fungerar ganska bra fram tills det att Roger vill prata med henne och sliter telefonen ur Janeys händer:

Janey: "Elke! We were just talking about you."
Michael: "This is the stupidest idea you've ever had!"
Janey: "Good. That's nice. Nice to talk to you too. What? That's terrible, you can't make it? Why?"
Michael: "Because I don't exist."
Janey: "Roger's gonna be so so so so disappointed. She's gone back to Sweden."
Roger: "Let me speak to her."
Michael: "Did he just say 'Let me speak to her'?"
Roger: "I'd really like to, please."
Michael: "Janey, no, there is no way I'm speaking to Roger..."
Roger: "Hi, hi, hi, hej. Elke?"
Michael: "Ja"
Roger: "It's me, Roger."
Michael: "Jaa."
Roger: "This is a very good connection, you sound like you're in the next room."
Michael: "Jaa."
Roger: "Ledsen att jag inte fick träffa dig. Skulle du vilja att jag kom och besökte dig i Sverige?"
Michael: "Ja."
Roger: "She said 'yes'! Bye Elke - Hej då!"
Janey: "What did you ask her?"
Roger: "She knows."

Några dagar senare ringer Janeys telefon och tro det eller ej, Roger har begett sig till vårt väna land för att besöka Elke.

Janey: "Oh, it's Roger. Hello? What do you need?"
Roger: "Elke's number. I'm in Sweden!"
Janey: "Sweden? What are you doing in Sweden?"
Roger: "Well, I asked if I could come and visit and she said 'Ja'. Don't you remember? You were sitting right there."
Janey: "Nice going, Elke!"